Photo Gallery

Originally, I wanted to do a still life photo, shoot of my pottery, and it didn't turn out that way. I think this idea expanded to something greater, but I was actually a lot more interested and these external processes that happened. When I do reflect on our, or my relationships, my friendships, the first half of the year was really interesting because I think for the first time, I was able to accept the fact that I have to be in mess.

00:40
It's not to say that like we Identify with mess or we We are our mess because I think that's a dangerous thing to think about because then you've defined yourself by it. That's who you are. That's what you do. I don't think there's any type of growth or Or continuation when we start to do that.

01:06
And so I really had to Be in a process, which is so painful because you don't know what happens you, you can't anticipate it with pottery for example, I have been doing it for a year and a bit and I my ass is going back to foundations and the summer.

01:31
My ass is going straight back to foundations. I think, for a while, I was so hung up on whether or not, my pieces would be good or not. This is gonna be okay. But the fact that the matter is, I think when we just begin to assign These things of good bad we neglect.

01:51
The in between that I think is so important, you know, the painting Is the painting? It's not the art. Yes, it's it's part of it. But the art happens, I think in the middle as you're making, you're sketching, you're putting the paint to the canvas. The painting is just the end result.

02:10
And yet, there's such an emphasis on it, and I think this idea of process can go beyond. I think, just art, like I said with just dynamics relationships, friends, whatever, and I was thinking about that when someone I was seeing at the time had had said, well it's not fun if you're not having a mess and I don't know, I think it is fun again, I don't want to define it but I think there is a level of curiosity with process like what choice can you make while this is happening like how are you going to make sure that you Are making choice, even doesn't have to be good or bad.

02:59
And I think that that's what's really Striking for me. And I had this idea and I had a new phone and I still, you know, have my apartment space at a few friends and boom. Here it was and I couldn't even anticipate how I would turn out. Like I had a Pinterest board, it's pretty much it and I had some amazing friends who also I had bounced ideas off of.

03:30
But yeah, once you have something in your mind and you externalize it, it's not yours anymore and I think that's what's so really nice about it. And I remember talking to my friend about it and she was the one that actually brought that to my attention and I was getting frustrated.

03:47
Even every time I get frustrated with any type of art, my pod, read my this, whatever, it's like, well she put it out there, it's out there, you know, it's not, it's not yours and I think why we want everything so desperately to To have an idea to have like ownership, agency, whatever, is because we want control, the fact of the matter is, I don't think we, we do have much control as much as we want to say.

04:13
I think it's so hard to just sit in the process and to sit in mess and just wait it out and but not even in this like passive way if I'm just going to wait it out, but it's really just be okay with sitting in it as painful and hurt for joist or whatever as it is confusing, I don't know.

04:36
But I was thinking a lot about this and later pottery, really all of this and I wanted to externalize it and yeah. Cocoa tree. That's that's essentially it a muck and I don't know, I have no essay to write for it. I have no statement. That's it. That's pretty much where my mind is at.

05:08
And what's so insane is that I've already outlived the idea as I'm editing as I'm even doing this recording thinking about the pottery pieces. Thank you about whatever. I've already outlived it. And I think back to all the pottery pieces I've ever made that are just in my cupboard right now.

05:30
And the funny thing is that it's just clutter it's just clutter now and at some point you just realized that like You learn to like let go or to keep it nice and to keep my clutter but It's, it's astonishing to think that there will be so much more to make to think about to reflect, there's more messes to be had and there's more periods of quiet and stillness.

06:06
I don't know. I think it's really pretty.